Ellowyne Wilde journal entry

Ellowyne Wilde

Journal Entry CHILLS

October 14, 2007 San Francisco, CA

Current mood: contemplative (new word from Dr. Bantam)

It's been a while since I've written in my journal, but I had my session today with Dr. Bantam and it gave me things to think about. Instead of our normal session, today she surprised me by talking about clothes, and what clothes mean, and how did I feel about certain things I wear, and why. Maybe she took a seminar or something, and wanted to try this stuff out on me. But anyway, at first I didn't know what to tell her. She kept talking, almost like she'd had one too many lattes at Starbucks. She started with how chilly and gray it's been lately, then talked about how everyone knows clothing expresses yourself, but did you know clothes help you, too-besides staying warm (and not being indecent, of course). It's like you wrap yourself up in what gives you psychological comfort. It's staying warm, but a different kind of warm.

OK-- I guess I can buy that. It's true I don't like to wear skimpy clothing, I don't like to wear ordinary clothes, but Dr. Bantam knows all that because I've been coming in here for a while. She told me wants me to learn more about myself by looking through all my stuff, and write down my ideas on it. Homework. Sigh.

So I went home thinking about all that, and just as I had pulled some things out to look at them, Prudence called. I've been sort of lazy lately, and I know it starts to bother her after a while, and then before you know it, I become her project. Tonight she wanted me to come with her to a almost sort of fancy party where some nice people she knows were opening up a coffee shop and book store. The first thing I usually think of when I'm about to go out is, what should I wear? But thanks to Dr. Bantam, this will now be followed by, why am I wearing it? Prudence, in one of her scary mental tricks, gave me a funny look and said I needed to get out, and then said it was a really good chance for me to wear some of my 'arty San Francisco clothes'. I really wanted to stay home.

The next thing I knew I was there with Prudence, surrounded by people I didn't know. Prudence disappeared just after we got there. I headed over to the Poetry section and realized they had a lot of antique books there, the oldest of them behind glass. I had just bent down to get a closer look at one of them, when a voice scared me by saying hi. It was some guy I'd seen when we got there, but I couldn't tell how old he was. College age, maybe, sort of nice looking but I didn't want to stare.

I don't remember what I said, but we talked and got something to drink. He laughed when I ordered tea, and at first I didn't know what was so funny.

Then he wanted me to tell him about myself, which is the worst possible question anybody can ask you. Well, maybe not the very worst, but it's right up there. So I just sat there playing with my beaded wrap, not sure where to begin. Thankfully he made it easier by asking me about my 'unusual clothing'. He said two types of people wore hats when they didn't need to: either bald, or interesting.

Before I knew it, I started explaining why I liked each of the things I was wearing. I have no idea why I started chattering like that to a stranger. I blame Dr. Bantam for planting all those ideas about clothes.

I skipped explaining my reversible day- to- night velvet hat, with the flowers- I didn't want to take it off. He didn't need to know I love flowers.

Since I was playing with it anyway, I started with the scarf wrap thing. It's really long so you can wrap it a lot. It's deep midnight blue, almost black, and has all these amazing beads and tiny sequins and embroidery on it... not the flashy kind, but the kind that feels like it's there mostly for you. There's fur on each end, the kind that looks really real but isn't. I suppose it is dramatic looking, but I feel like the heroine of an old novel when I wear it. I had put it on over my dress to make my outfit nicer for evening, and completely hide my funky daytime decorations on the dress. All I told him was, it was my Depression era finery, like some woman from way back then took an old silk piano scarf and made something nice to wear. He nodded.

I said the velvet dress was one of my favorites, day or night, because of the muted antique-y gold color, and nice and warm, too. The embossed design on the velvet reminded me of the curlicues on lace, which I love. And anyway, I do like certain colors that remind me of being indoors on a rainy San Francisco day-polished wood and shadows, and the nice old things like at Grandmother's house.

Just when I started sounding almost poetic, I blurted out how I like a certain kind of thick warm black tights for day and night because they're so romantic and Bohemian. Talking about my stockings was more personal than I meant to say, but it was too late to take it back-- at least I didn't tell him about the secret frilly pink satin bows at the tops, or that they were good for hiding scratch-marks from poor Sybil. How embarrassing! He just nodded and gave a smile, so I pushed on.

I pulled back the wrap a little, and there was the pin and the pocket watch, joined by a chain. Of course, the pin was Grandmother's. very large and fancy. I joked that the pins are good for scaring my brother, but really it's so I can have some of her there with me even when I'm away from home. He asked if the pocket watch was my Grandfather's, but I shook my head and told him I got it from a yard sale.

The purse was a burnt orange velvet, and I loved how it was just a touch of color without being obnoxious or ruining the somber mood, but by then I'd started to feel really self-conscious so I looked down into my teacup. A chill came over me so I pulled the hat lower over my ears. The last thing he said was, it was a great hat, that the beads caught the light when I talked, and the color was a mysterious turquoise and went with my eyes. I didn't say anything for another minute. Then I spotted Prudence on the other side of the café area of the coffeehouse, giving me a wink just when I looked.

On our way back, Prudence said she thought he liked me, but I just pulled the wrap tighter and told her it was her wild imagination.

It was chilly out as usual, and the sky would have been gray except it was midnight blue.

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Story by Brenda Giguere, based on the Ellowyne Wilde (r) storyline and characters created by Wilde Imagination